Hogan's Journey

Hogan came home from the hospital on Tuesday.  He hopped into the hospital lobby with his Elizabethan collar on and a drug-induced, silly grin on his face.  The drugs kept him pretty happy for the first 48 hours, then I think the pain and soreness started to set in.  He has been pretty quiet since then, with the exception of a short walk down the block to visit his girlfriend, Annie, and her people.  It has been a week of adjusting my expectations and cheering for the small wins like him making it down the 4 stairs to the backyard all by himself (which he did on Wednesday) and his first poop (which was met with wild applause on Thursday).

I have to assume that all of his energy is going to his healing and that he will be back to his usual, happy self in a couple weeks.  It is tough, but its the way it goes on the Rollercoaster of Love.

Yes, I’m referring to three legs.  Hogan had his amputation surgery today.  I dropped him off this morning, met with the technician and the surgeon, and managed to hold it together until they took him back to the hospital.  Then I burst into tears.  I went home and cleaned the house from top to bottom, trying to keep myself occupied.  I didn’t get the call that Hogan was going into surgery until about 2:30.  That was 6.5 hours of worrying for absolutely no reason at all!  I hate to think about just how many hours, days, weeks, and months I have spent worrying needlessly.  That is something worth pondering once Hogan comes home and he and I have a lot of reflection time.

At 5:00 I got the call that Hogan was out of surgery (and 5-7 pounds lighter — hey, at this point I’ll look for any silver lining!).  At 8:00 I called to check on him and was told that he got up and walked around a bit with the help of a sling.  Although he was quite wobbly from the anesthesia, he showed interest in walking and for that I am grateful.  Talk about resilience — holy smokes!

So I have a limbo night (really, no pun intended) — no Hogan here physically to worry about endlessly, and the knowledge that he is being well cared for.  It is a welcome reprieve before the next round of the battle begins tomorrow with his recovery from the surgery, then chemo and physical therapy, and all the herbs and supplements his system can handle to keep this disease at bay for as long as possible.  One night to reflect (or not) on the longest 10 days of my life (since his diagnosis).  A one-night intermission before Act II begins…

Hogan had his first acupuncture treatment today. He was a little squirmy at first, but I got on the floor behind him, spooned him, and sang to him while the needles did their work. THAT was a wonderful lesson for me on being in the moment. There is nothing else to do when your dog has a dozen needles stuck in him but stay there with him.

When we got home we went for a 30 minute walk — the first time we have been able to walk that distance since our diagnosis 9 days ago. He not only walked, but pranced parts of it.

Hogan’s surgery is Monday, but today is Saturday and it has been a great day. I will try to keep my focus on today.

My honey bear — Hogan, my 10 1/2 year old golden retriever — was diagnosed with osteosarcoma on Thursday, April 7. He will have his rear left leg amputated on Monday, and I am scared out of my mind. This website has been tremendously helpful in getting my head around this diagnosis and figuring out what to do next. My heart, however, is lagging severely behind my head. I can’t imagine Hogan with only three legs, nor can I imagine him gone.
I admire the courage the rest of you exhibit. I only pray some of it can rub off on me.

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